This is weird, isn’t it? How you still manage to fall into sympathetic feelings. You plan and you plan, you calculate and you still get screwed over about 75% of the time. But that’s ok, you’ve already seen it, you’re already 2 steps ahead. You have a good head, you strategize but sometimes you just don’t apply rules to some people. And you fall, hard.
You’re disappointed, sad, angry. You need to laugh, you need to cry, you need to destroy something to just let it all out. But you can’t. “I’ve been down this road so many times before”. The facts do not change. You’re disappointed because you let yourself feel again, you’re disappointed because people have no logic, you’re disappointed because you’re completely alone. Again. No, not again, you’ve always been alone. No burden of yours can be understood by a mere mind.
It’s not fair.
How many times have you been broken? Sad? Been rendered completely useless? Had your friends turn away from you? How many times have you slit your wrists? Fell apart? Were left completely alone? How many times have you crashed your fist into a wall? Been drunk? Been high? Stared blankly at your own reflection in a mirror? Screamed in complete despair?
Smile while you’re screaming, there’s no one who could understand either way. Why do you bother? Time after time, all these years. They will throw you under the bus at any time and all of your efforts will be in vain. Like all of those other times. There is no point in trust.
Trust issues.
Everything is so dim, especially the future. Maybe this is it? Maybe there is no future, maybe this is the last point of your sanity. You’re going to run into a door with a lock. You don’t have the key so you might need to take a few steps back and continue down the other path of the labyrinth. Maybe you’ll find what you need next time. Or you’ll hit the rock bottom. This is how it is and this is how it goes. There’s a long way to success and only a couple of steps to failure. Nobody said it was easy, no-one ever said it would be this hard.
Sometimes darkness is the only thing you see.