I saw something recently, something horrifying. I’m not sure whether it was sleep paralysis, the witch hour or just a sleepy apparition of mine. But it was terrifying, I don’t really remember being so scared yet extremely calm at the same time, it’s been years.
It lurked in the corner, a black shadow in the corridor, a figure I saw from my bedroom with the door being wide open. When I finally managed to focus my gaze on the creature, it just decided to slowly leave my field of vision. Now I finally understand why people in horror movies make dumb decisions. Because we are curious beings and my legs carried me on autopilot without me realizing what I’m doing. However, when I managed to crawl out of my bed and go to the corridor, I saw nothing, no one.
The worst part is that it starts to reoccur, me seeing black shadowy figures at night in my apartment. Difficult to blame it on being sleepy or sleep paralysis anymore (for the record, I had never experienced one in my life, or so I think). The shadowy figure shouts in silence as I stare right back at it. A hand with long fingernails grazes my doorframe. And then I go back to sleep because I have no choice.
Going crazy is a full time job and I’m only part-time clown. The demons come at me like they’re recurring characters in a TV show. And oh god, when they scream, they shout.
“But when the lights go up
And the curtain falls
Demons in the scenery scream like animals
And I get myself lost
Inside that voice”
Things just get worse as time passes by. I cannot sleep for the life of me, waking early in the morning hours and just going to work because I don’t know what to do with myself. I lose my appetite pretty much as much as I start losing my hair. My muscles and joints burn in pain and my neck becomes so stiff I can barely turn it. My mood is horrible and I just want to scream at the top of my lungs for everyone to just give me a breather and some space. But I can’t, I have to persevere and go on because there’s never a choice. Survival.
I just hope it’s possible for this to go away without me sacrificing more of my mind or I’ll never get back from this. Losing my mind, memory and focus is pretty much a hundred times more scarier than the demons. The demons can at least go on a vacation and leave me alone.
“It’s a disease, I’m not crazy”.
