You’ve been running low on energy for days, sometimes it seems that the months are neverending. Maybe because there is nothing to look forward to anymore. The reality of a single working adult. No summer vacation, no spring breaks, no nothing. Christmas? Maybe. New Year? You couldn’t care less about it. Birthday? Nah. Being sick used to mean missing school and playing video games all day as well as sleeping half of the day. Now being sick means you’re missing out some crucial things that may reflect on other people and their everyday work. You’re in rock bottom (why not Bikini Bottom?) and then try your best to bounce back and run the engine for a while longer.
There is always a toll, there is always a price to pay. When you push away bad thoughts, they come back tenfold sometime later. Usually at night and usually at rainfall, like electrical signals that you cannot stop. When you push away burnout and tiredness, they also come back but might manifest in a worse way. You’re just waiting when is it going to happen. Hospital bed? You’ve been there, hooked up on an IV. You don’t want to repeat it. You don’t want panic or anxiety attacks anymore. You want everything to stop for a couple of months.
You’re holding on, that’s what makes it so difficult, right? This is the thing that is draining you the most psychologically, trying not to give in and trying not to stop. You know that if you stop, it is over for you, there’s no going back, there’s no escape. The dark feelings and the fatigue are only going to expand and then burn everything in the way because you are, in some sense – fire.
The price to pay is always there, lurking somehwere around the corner, the equilibrium in life.
“You see there is only one constant. One universal. It is the only real truth. Causality. Action, reaction. Cause and effect.”
The problem is the choice. Glad you have none.
Anyone been feeling like there is no weekend anymore? There are weekdays, a glimpse of a relief after work and an ability to sleep a bit longer on a weekend that goes by way too quickly. Especially when one day out of the two is literally maintenance like cleaning and cooking and laundry. And then the next day is just trying to do something for yourself. And then you get the cursed Sunday blues.
Sometimes you wonder what people would do if money was out of the equation, out of the picture. They would be doing some amazing things – opening up art galleries and coffee shops and culinary studios. They would be traveling around the world, getting to know other cultures.
“Capitalism sucks” you say while listening to Spotify on your brand new expensive Sony headphones. But we also need to survive.
“I can’t lie, I’ve been played
By powerful people who get their way
But I, in time, will climb my mountain
I, in time, will rise”